WEEK FOUR: Holy hell! It's been a month? Really?!?

So, here I sit, at the Panera Bread in town, thinking about my little anniversary, if you will. I cannot believe that it's been a month already. I would say that the time has simply flown by and that everything was peachy-keen the entire time, but I think everyone knows that's not the case.

A quick update: It is true ... the little banner on top of the page is still correct. I have gone that long without a cigarette. The amount of time that's passed isn't what gets me, though. It's the total number of cigarettes (on average) not smoked in that time. Wow. It does tend to add up.

The other night, I had a dream where I was smoking. It was my first "I'm smoking" dream since I quit. Strange thing was that I remember in the dream I was keenly aware that what I was doing was wrong and I was trying to hide it from everyone. Again, this would be the point in the blog where I assure everyone that I have remained true and I really haven't smoked. Truth be told, I still really don't have a desire to smoke. Sure, every once in awhile, I sit back and think, "I sure could use a cigarette right now," but it's nothing more than a fleeting thought and then I go about with whatever it was I was doing.

Words cannot describe how thankful I am for Chantix. I'd like to think that I do have a little bit of will power, but without the medicine, I don't think I could have pulled it off.

Well, I need to cut this one short, since I am at Panera and there's someone staring over my shoulder, either really interested in what I'm writing or trying to get me to get up so he can have my table. *Sigh*

WEEK TWO/THREE: Damn broken motherboard and my stupid computer ...

First off, I'd like to let everyone know that I'm still here and yes, the counter above this post is still accurate. I've gone almost three weeks without smoking. WOO FREAKIN' HOO!

Here's a little of what's been going on in my life here lately. First, the motherboard in my computer decided to take its ball and go home, forcing me to buy a new motherboard. I've also been basically chained to my desk at work, trying to put out our special section that they gave me no overtime to do ... so I had to do that on top of my regular work ... all while training a new guy. On top of that, I spent most of today at the hospital with a friend of mine who was having a procedure done on his hip. So yeah, it's been a fairly stressful couple of days.

The great thing about all of this is ... I haven't smoked. Even with everything going on and me being extremely stressed, I haven't wanted to smoke. The "craving" of me wanting to kill everyone has also passed, so I haven't been as moody or irritable.

Again, I do want to thank everyone who was concerned when they hadn't heard from me. I can assure you that all is well (hopefully, my computer will be all better tomorrow) and I'll be able to write more later. Until then, my healthier lungs and I would again like to say thanks!

WEEK ONE: The Monster's Loose ...

It's now been a week and several hours since my last cigarette. I'm not craving cigarettes ... at all. I just don't want to smoke. My throat's not hurting and, physically, I seem perfectly fine.

The one thing I've noticed (and I can't help but to notice) is that I'm ready to bite everyone's heads off at a moment's notice. My patience is microbially thin. This does bother me because I'm not like that. If people do bother/upset me, I really don't say much about it and continue to go about my life. Now, that's not to say that I don't stand up for myself, but I weigh the cost of having the argument vs. the amount of energy wasted and I usually just don't bother.

Right now, it's like I'm looking for a fight. Things I've heard in the last few days: "Are you mad at me?", "Are we okay?", "Are you feeling okay?" ... that sort of thing. It's so strange because I am aware that I am being, well, a dick to these people, but I can't stop myself.

I'm not wholly convinced that it's all the cigarettes' fault, though. Lately, I've been very frustrated at work and that feeling continues. The frustrations started well before I stopped smoking, but I do feel that the lack of cigarettes is not helping matters much. In the long run, yes. But right now, not so much.

That's okay though. I feel deep down that I'm kicking this habit once and for all. I'm very happy about that. I just hope that people will forgive me later for being such an asshole now.