DAY FIVE-ISH: Paralyzer

So, just as a recap: I smoked my last cigarette on Thursday at around 1 p.m. It's now Tuesday morning, 2:40 a.m. I'm happy that each day so far has seemed better than the last, although I know this is still a long, drawn-out process. I can't just go from smoking for 10 years and quit without any kinds of drawbacks. So, I keep my guard up for whatever might happen.

The best thing of all so far is that I still don't have a strong, overwhelming desire to smoke. Every other time I tried to quit, that has been the biggest thing. I might make it a couple of days, but eventually I'd wind up at the store buying a pack of Marlboro Lights in a box and a lighter, because I was going to smoke right then and there. Fortunately, it hasn't come to that.

Granted, here's the part where I feel like an enormous ass, even more so than the title of this blog would indicate.

I have a friend from high school that I've been trying to find since high school. Had no idea where he was nowadays. Well, I finally found him. He's currently on his second tour in Iraq. Yeah, did I mention that the main reason he's over there is because he has an autistic child and needs the military benefits? Damnedest thing though, not once since I started talking to him has he ever complained, although I would give him every right to do so. He's over there (Forward Observer, by the way, so he sees a lot of the action) fighting and has a wife and autistic daughter at home. And if that wasn't enough, his two younger brothers are fighting over there with him.

I've got friends and family with health problems beyond the scope of what I would ever want to know about as well. But they trudge on, not complaining.

And here I am. Counting down the days since the last cigarette I've smoked. As a personal thing, I'm fairly happy about that and it does fit into the new lifestyle I'm trying to put myself into, but at the same time, I see all these wonderful, courageous people and I feel rather silly. Well, silly's not really the word for it. Borderline ashamed would probably be better. But I will continue on, and I will not complain. If these people can find the strength to do what they do and put up with what they have to deal with every day, then by God I can pull it together for something as trivial as this.

On a different subject, I found this really cool graphic online, showing a timeline of a smoker and what happens when they quit. I've looked at this thing now many, many times and it's like it's something for me to look forward to, you know? Anyway, that's the image at the top of the post.

The little tracker up top says that I have not smoked about 90 cigarettes since I've quit. That's at least $12-plus dollars in my pockets and healthy and happier times await with each passing day! Woo hoo!